Portrait of Robert Newbie

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Much like the painting of Dorian Gray, this now chilling portrait of Sir Robert "Bob" Newbie, painted generations ago, mysteriously resurfaced recently. Its once cheerful depiction has become more grotesque over time. Local lore proclaims that prolonged viewing may cause pictorial distortions and episodes of madness.
Larry glanced at the cursed portrait—then spent the day watering appliances, dancing in hats, and fertilizing Lana in her sleep. Classic Larry.

Much like the painting of Dorian Gray, this now chilling portrait of Sir Robert “Bob” Newbie, painted generations ago, mysteriously resurfaced recently. Its once cheerful depiction has become more grotesque over time. Gnarled features, sunken eyes, and mottled skin betray not time, but consequence – a soul fraying at the edges. Local legend claims that prolonged viewing may cause pictorial distortions and episodes of madness, and that as long as this portrait remains hidden, Bob walks the world unchanged.

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